Ahira's Hangar

Ged is growing up, and maybe a little too fast. Too many changes, too driven, too many emotions to deal with. A great spirit who has crippled himself with vanity. Essentially, now, he truly embarks on what Zen masters call the destruction of the ego. He has seen himself and is horrified. After enjoying folk sing his praises in stopping the dragon he's reminded of his real limitations in not being able to save Pechvarry's son. It's sorta like winning the Employee of the Year award by exploiting your coworkers. Not all that, but it's close---in very few words Le Guin puts Ged through some very deep emotional and psychological circumstances.

All that glitters in not the real point. Yevaud tells him to run, but to where? I've never really understood why he chooses to return to Roke. Perhaps there is some secret knowledge there that can help him? Obviously he's still living outside himself: well he can't blame the Lord of Re Abli's daughter and he can't blame Jasper. So why does he need to go back to Roke? It really is no wonder that the island repulses his efforts to return: we can teach you wizardry, but we can't fix your head. It sorta reminds me of the time my pagan friends told me I was too crazy to attend a gathering. In fact it wasn't until, maybe, two years ago that I began to understand what "going with the flow"is all about.

But he's outside his head as well-all his anger, rage, envy, estrangement and drive have coallessed in the form of the shadow that seeks to destroy him, to turn him into a wizard gebbeth with horrible potential for evil. And now fear is the only real tool he has. He sees the shadow in every dark turn, at the fall of night in every stranger's eyes. Even a hint of it in a fellow oarsman eyes after that crewmember discovers what the otak is as they row for Oskill.

Why Oskill? In Orrimy Ged might as well be at the last place on earth a grim town money, knives and murder and he has, literally, no where to go. Until he meets a hooded trader's agent who seems to have an uncanny knowledge of what follows him, and advises him to,

...go to the Court of Terrenon, if you need a sword to fight shadows with, A staff of yew wood will not serve your needs.

The agent hints that it is almost preordainded that he must do this and also hints that the Masters of Roke are too smug about their knowledge to conceed that other forms of magic exist in the world. Encumbered by his fear, indescision and naivette Ged follows this man's consel and boards a ship bound for Oskill to the far north. A strange deserted place to go full of wealth-hoarding lords, slaves and disgruntled, pale, non-Hardic speaking men.

Finally deposited at Neshum with no idea where to find this mythical "Court" a fellow crewmember agrees to show him the way. Ged wants to recant, but really has no choice, as his former shipmate is Skiorh-the one who asked about the otak. Skiorh leads Ged on for miles and miles into nowhere and an oncoming snowstorm. He can't detect anything strange about his guide until night decends and Skiorh's voice changes. The gebbeth screams his true name rendering him powerless but Ged smashes his staff on it's head until it explodes and burns his hands. He runs for miles in a desperate attempt to escape it. It almost always has him but never quite catches up. On the brink of complete exhaustion he sees a faint light up ahead and a voice encouraging him on, finally, he plunges through a pale door into utter darkness.

Quite nasty when he's running for his life!

I can't help wonder why he doesn't know what's going on before the shadow speaks his name. I guess the shadow is an unknown. The masters at Roke really couldn't tell him much about it. Maybe there are no spells to detect it. And he's kinda tired after rowing for several days. Good thing the shadow isn't really good with the physical world, and couldn't run all that fast either.